Saturday, September 16, 2006
A time of venting
Life is very hard for me right now. I have never been so bored in my entire life. I have always been active in ministry and life. When I was seven my parents were involved in a church plant and I can remember stuffing envelopes. I helped set up chairs and tables every week in the school we met in. All growing up we went to a camp in Oregon that my dad was helping to repair. I can remember making screens and measuring windows and helping out however I could. When I was 9 or 10 I started to work in the church nursery. I helped my mom prepare for communion. I would help set up the potluck tables. In middle school I started helping in children’s church. By high school I was on youth leadership team, camp counselor, nursery worker, Sunday school teacher, and I was even on the executive committee of Alliance Women in our church. Even in the summers I would work at camp, go to Mexico, and stay in ministry. In college I was on the missions committee, women’s committee, orchestra, taught children’s church at a local church, babysat for women’s Bible studies, lead mission’s trips, and had a prayer team. It all continued on into seminary. My life has been ministry. Then I went to Cody and loved to be in ministry full time. Now! Now what does my life consist of. I go to school for three hours. Study for 30 minutes because I already know what we studied and then I have hours of nothing. I have no friends, no ministry, and a whole lot of time. I know that God is here and that I could spend those hours with Him. I know I need to get to know Him more and that this is a perfect opportunity to do so. I don’t need that lecture right now. I need understanding and prayer. In Cody I kept busy with at least 60 hours of ministry and then I had friends and keeping a home in order. Now I have less than 30 hours of language study. I don’t know how to handle all this time. It is really beginning to get me down. I know this is where I need to be. It is very difficult to sit and wait for time to pass. Today I received my first package here. It was memorable and wonderful but as I walked to the post office I saw an awful sight. Two young boys, not older than 4 laying on the side walk dirty and cold and begging for money. One was asleep cuddled next to the other. I could do nothing. It really hurts to walk past people and do nothing to help. There not images on a TV they are hurting little children right in front of me. I know that there is something bigger. God has a great plan. My patience is already wearing thin. If you are a team mate and you’re reading this I’m sorry this is how you’re finding out. Whoever is reading this please pray that God will renew my passions and give me direction and desire in this phase of my life.
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4 comments:
Sarah:
My wife Peggy and I are good friends with your Mom and Dad. Thank you for replying to my question a few days ago about cars in Russia. You said you didn't know a lot about cars, but your response was excellent, it gave me a lot of info about the Russian cars and their drivers. Hang in there with the Russian language studies. I know it's difficult, I have a hard time with the words my Russian customers try to teach me. I think my Russian vocabulary is about eight words. God has a purpose for you over there, sometimes, as you know it's hard to see it right away. I do have a question for you, in one of the pictures of the apartment in what looks like your kitchen is that a washer or a range? One thing that I plan on finding is abook on Russian-English automoive terms. One of my former managers had one he lent me and took it with him when he left. Keep up with the posts.
Jim and Peg Bond
Just keep breathing in the silence of time. That's all I can say as I attempt to do the same thing. It's nice to think that things will get easier, or that it will all make sense, but that isn't always the case. All we can do is keep breathing and remember that, for whatever reason God has us where we are. Your in my prayers as I likewise drift clueless and alone.
Sarah,
I am blessed as always to read of your adventures in Russia! I know how it is to be active and involved, then suddenly it seems circumstances are keeping you from having any effect. Our God is faithful and loving, and blesses us when we feel restless and inneffective....you have a ministry of example to those of us reading who rejoice with as you discover new things about the culture you've been bold enough to travel to in the desire to serve the Lord. You bless and minister to your new russian neighbors, as they watch you cheerfully face each new day in a place so strange and different from what you've known. There's a blessing hidden there for you too.....if you crave more...more service, more of Him, it makes you look more...really observe those glimpses of Him seen in different hands and voices than those we've come to know. Such a beautiful treasure of sameness to be seen in those very diffrences. With many prayers for bessings and joy....cammeron edwards
God is in it. 1Kings 19
1Ki 19:11 And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the LORD; [but] the LORD [was] not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; [but] the LORD [was] not in the earthquake:
1Ki 19:12 And after the earthquake a fire; [but] the LORD [was] not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
1Ki 19:13 And it was [so], when Elijah heard [it], that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, [there came] a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?
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