I must admit there are times when I let discouragement creep in. Today I was reading a recent Alliance Life. Most of the articles were about South America. Never in my life have I felt called to South America. As I read I thought “and why am I in Russia?” These people are talking about amazing ministries to children living in poverty. My heart goes out to ministries like that. Perhaps those ministries will some day exist here. Right now I don’t see them and I don’t see my place. I can’t even speak the language. If I was in South America I would have 5 months left of language study. At the end of five months I would be pretty near fluent. Here in this vast and diverse country of Russia I have another year and a half of language study. At the end of my two years I might make it to intermediate high in Russian. Some of you have been encouraging in saying that one day I will be fluent. I know that all things are possible with God. Not one of my team mates is fluent in Russian. It is one of the most difficult languages for Americans and fluency just doesn’t come. People who have been here years say that they still make mistakes in nearly every sentence they speak. The goal is simply to be understood. That is humbling. I enjoy speaking, whether it is to one person or a whole congregation. I like the nuances of language I don’t want to settle for just being understood. So again “why am I here?”
When I was ten and I first understood grace it wasn’t South America that God placed on my heart it was Russia. I don’t know what my future here holds. All I can do is study this language to the best of my ability and trust that some day God will be able to use me here.
1 comment:
To those who have been called...hard to know where it all is heading. But you can always rely on God having a plan, humbling as it may often be. I'm sure it will all make sense one of these days. I just hope that as time passes there are more things for you to enjoy, and fewer to slow you down. =)
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