Recently I have been struggling through issues of independence. I have been here almost two years and in my mind I know that I am capable of doing many things. At the same time there is always apprehension when I have to do something for the first time by myself. I am at the stage in language study where no one is holding my hand anymore. Last week I bought train tickets by myself. It wasn’t hard at all but it was the first time I had ever done. Afterwards I told my language helper I was proud of myself and she said she was proud of me too. It is silly really but it is like a first grader getting to do things on there on finally. Two years ago it really hurt to lose my independence. I felt like I couldn’t do anything on my own. Eventually I became comfortable with the dependence. Now I’m being pushed out on my own a little at a time and realizing that it’s not so scary after all. This will seem odd to you but today I had another tiny push. I called a movie theater to find out the times of a movie. I assumed it would be automated but someone answered and instinctively I hung up. With Blythe’s encouragement I called back and asked for the times. It was so easy, I’m sure I could have done it a year ago but I got comfortable.
Anyways here is my small blog to independence. Now I just have to wait and see how independence feels in a different Russian city!
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