Tonight at church we talked about heaven and what makes it heaven. For me heaven is never having to leave the Fathers arms. To sit with Him and weep, rejoice, or simply rest. For the past two weeks of this illness I have asked God for His arms. I have wanted to feel Him not just believe. Tonight the closing song in church ended with these words “when you can’t trace His hand, trust His heart.”
Right now I can’t feel God. I’m tiered, my energy is gone, I am still not healthy, I’m behind in school, and I just want to give up. I ask God “Why.” Why is my life difficult? What am I doing here? Why do I struggle so much with health issues? Why did you ask me to leave my family? Why? Most importantly where are you?
What is the answer? God is right here with me weeping over my pain. I know His heart. He is trying to hold me but I’m too busy thrashing about in my pain to settle into His embrace. There are things He wants to teach me through all of this if only I will listen. He is longing to get a hold of me. Father here I am.
Why am I here when I am so inadequate? God called me. It’s that simple. When I was in the hospital I cried out to God for a promise. I needed something to cling to, anything. What I received seemed like a joke. God gave me an old children’s song.
I am a promise, I am a possibility,
I am a promise, with a capital P
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And if I listen I can hear God’s voice
And if I’m trying I can make the right choice
I’m a promise you see anything God wants me to be
What does it mean? God’s at work in my life and He holds the outcome. I just have to follow. God brought me hear because there is at least one child in this country, perhaps a child not even yet born, that I will touch. There is one child, or thousands, who will come to know the Father’s embrace and one day we will sit together in heaven where this pain will be turned into jewels for the King.
Right now I can’t feel God. I’m tiered, my energy is gone, I am still not healthy, I’m behind in school, and I just want to give up. I ask God “Why.” Why is my life difficult? What am I doing here? Why do I struggle so much with health issues? Why did you ask me to leave my family? Why? Most importantly where are you?
What is the answer? God is right here with me weeping over my pain. I know His heart. He is trying to hold me but I’m too busy thrashing about in my pain to settle into His embrace. There are things He wants to teach me through all of this if only I will listen. He is longing to get a hold of me. Father here I am.
Why am I here when I am so inadequate? God called me. It’s that simple. When I was in the hospital I cried out to God for a promise. I needed something to cling to, anything. What I received seemed like a joke. God gave me an old children’s song.
I am a promise, I am a possibility,
I am a promise, with a capital P
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And if I listen I can hear God’s voice
And if I’m trying I can make the right choice
I’m a promise you see anything God wants me to be
What does it mean? God’s at work in my life and He holds the outcome. I just have to follow. God brought me hear because there is at least one child in this country, perhaps a child not even yet born, that I will touch. There is one child, or thousands, who will come to know the Father’s embrace and one day we will sit together in heaven where this pain will be turned into jewels for the King.
1 comment:
Hugs to you my friend:) They may not be tangible, but I sincerely send them.
Post a Comment